I am annoyed and so, I’m not just having a grumble and I’m not even having a moan. I’m so pissed off that I’m probably having a rant.
I think that’s the sequence of degrees of frustration when you are letting people know that you feel aggrieved about something. A moan then a grumble with the ‘rant’ being the superlative form.
Is ‘nonsensicalest’ a word you’ve ever heard or come across?
No, it isn’t. A rule about adjectives with three or more syllables (and some with two, like ‘careless’ and ‘cheerful’), is that they always have ‘more’ and ‘most’ as their comparative and superlative. You would write “more nonsensical” or “most nonsensical” and that means you’ve never heard ‘nonsensicalest’ because it doesn’t exist.
You have now because I’ve just invented it. It has become the superlative form of ‘nonsensical’ and I’ve created it because when it comes to Political Correctness and being ‘woke’, I think we are at a point where new words are needed to describe the farcical position in which we now find ourselves.
Existing words are just not up to the job.
In October 2015, I wrote a piece titled “PC Nonsense”. (Click to See) If you agreed with me that the situation was bad then (and I know you did even though you’re probably cautious of admitting so now), you cannot begin to imagine how things have developed over the past five years.
We live about two miles from the nearest newsagent and that is too far to be included in a paperboy’s round.
Am I allowed to use the term ‘paperboy’? That is an ageist and sexist term and we should probably talk about a ‘paperperson’ now with the collective term being ‘paperpeople’.
Because of our isolation, I pay to subscribe to a well-known, national, broadsheet newspaper, online.
It appears on my computer screen with exactly the same print, stories, photographs and advertisements that the paper version has. However, my subscription also allows me to read its e-paper version on its website.
The online version is quite different in layout but as well as looking dissimilar, it provides the reader with the opportunity to comment on stories.
When one posts a comment, it is moderated and if it does not contravene the site’s guidelines in any way, it will be posted.
I have commented on stories fairly often over the past twelve years but twice I’ve fallen foul of the moderators.
The first time was when Denis Norden, the renowned wit and comedy writer, died in 2018. I submitted two comments. One of them, attracted 304 'Recommendations' from other readers. It was the first time I led the Leader Board in recommendations.
Norden had died at the time Jeremy Corbyn was under huge pressure and criticism amid accusations that the Labour Party was intrinsically anti-Semitic and its upper echelons, both locally and nationally, were riddled with anti-Semites.
Part of the problem was that Corbyn had supported an artist who had created a mural depicting hook-nosed bankers getting rich on the backs of the poor. Under attack, he tried to explain his views by saying, “British Zionists don’t understand English irony.”
Denis Norden was a Jew and about him I commented, “Just imagine how even more brilliant he’d have been if only he’d understood English irony.”
That comment was allowed but the one that wasn’t was my attempt to relate a rambling tale that Denis Norden had told on the Radio 4 comedy programme ‘My Word’ sometime in the 1980s. It was barred and never appeared.
Norden had been asked to explain the origins of the title of the Dickens novel ‘Great Expectations’.
I wrote about how he had told a long, rambling tale to do with a container ship whose crew was entirely Chinese.
The audience (and I) were in fits of laughter throughout the four or five minutes he described the voyage. The saga ended with him telling us that the crew had to spend their last night on board, all squashed together for some reason or other, in a small crate and getting very little sleep. Consequently, he told us that the:
"Crate irks packed Asians".
My comment was pending for about 6 hours and then it just vanished and was never posted. If a comment is pending, it is visible but only to whoever posted it. I was annoyed and puzzled and so I rang Customer Services to find out why. I got nowhere.
A week later, after sending several emails, someone replied to me explaining that my comment had breached guidelines. Can you see how?
No, I bet you can’t. Apparently, the generic term 'Asians' is banned because it is sometimes used abusively. I am not joking.
In early January this year, there was a story under this headline:
Lenny Henry: Television is too white. After four
decades on screen, I still feel lonely
I commented: So, Lenny Henry feels lonely in a predominantly white industry. He may not realise that outside the urban bubble he inhabits, this is a predominantly white country. (86.1%, 2011 census)
What exactly is the problem?
That comment was “Pending” for 7 hours and then vanished. At 4.30 that afternoon, I tried again and reposted it. This time, it did appear (different shift of moderators?). When I went to bed at 11.30 that evening, it had attracted 159 readers’ recommendations.
By 9 o’clock the following morning, it had gone. It had been pulled. I rang Customer Services and got nowhere and so, I sent a couple of emails and in one of them, threatened to cancel my subscription unless someone explained to me why it had been removed.
The Letters Editor, replied to me by email, “Thanks for getting in touch. Your original comment has been reviewed. We agree that it did not, in fact, contravene our guidelines.”
I asked exactly why it had been pulled and in a further email I was told, “I can see that your original comment was approved but was then taken down as it was reported by another user."
That means that at some time in the middle of the night, one person had complained and my comment was summarily taken down. One person? I bet it was Lenny Henry!
I made more of a fuss and eventually, someone from the newspaper’s Escalation Team, rang me. He told me that the original comment, the one pending for hours but never posted, had alerted the computer algorithm that it contained a word associated with offensive language. It had never actually been read by a person.
Guess the word? To save you scrolling up, here’s that deeply offensive comment again:
So, Lenny Henry feels lonely in a predominantly white industry. He may not realise that outside the urban bubble he inhabits, this is a predominantly white country (86.1%, 2011 census).
What exactly is the problem?
Did you spot it? Of course, you didn’t. You are not woke enough to spot it and you should be embarrassed and I expect you to be ashamed of yourself.
The vile, offensive word - the word that had offended the computer’s sensibilities was…..
Scroll down
U R B A N
God help us! I was told, in all seriousness, that people will often include the word ‘urban’ in offensive or defamatory comments and so the computer will red-flag it.
Here’s what could be a fun competition:
Including the word 'urban’, used correctly and in context, write a sentence that is offensive in any way at all.
I’ve tried and I can’t. What sort of deranged mind does that computer have?
It’s the nonsensicalest thing I’ve ever come across.
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