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Saturday, October 7, 2023

190 Sleep Tight

Today, October 6th, 2023, is the fifteenth anniversary of my liver transplant.  I started putting pieces on a blog so that my grandson, who was aged one and whom I had only met once, could read something about me in case things went wrong.

I haven’t notified anyone of posts for 18 months but I am posting this to mark the transplant anniversary and also so my four grandchildren may know aspects of their grandmother’s character that they would never have suspected.

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I am a very light sleeper.  I always have been.  Every night, I find it difficult to go to sleep and then I usually wake up about every 90 minutes until I get up in the morning.

I have never set an alarm clock to wake me, and I have never been late for anything because I overslept.  Even when we had a taxi booked for 3:15 in the morning because we had to be at Quebec airport at 4:00, I didn’t need an alarm.

Caroline, on the other hand, is, on most nights, a very deep sleeper.  In the mornings, from Monday until Friday, she has to set her clock to wake her and at the weekends, she always lies in.

One of the reasons that my sleep is so interrupted is that even although she sleeps deeply, Caroline is restless and often, extremely noisy.  She also hallucinates.

I have lost count of the number of times I’ve been woken by a heavy slap on the back because she has tried to remove the ants or spiders she has seen crawling over me.  The worst time was when she punched me on the head to remove the badger that she could see sitting on it.

Occasionally, whatever it is that she “sees” is so alarming and frightening that she lets out a blood curdling scream.  If I ask her then, at the time, what it is she saw, she will tell me but if I mention it in the morning, she has no recollection of it whatsoever.

Often, instead of a scream, Caroline reacts to a nightmare by just shouting out a short but loud stream of obscenities.  I worry that our neighbour whose bedroom is adjacent to ours, can hear them and must wonder what on earth is going on.

Sometimes, I hear one side of a conversation with no shouting or swearing but the kind of thing you might hear if you were in the same room as someone on the phone.  It’s not loud but it always wakes me.

Last night, I heard Caroline ask in a conversational tone, “Have you been to Hill Bears Hotel?”

It was such an arbitrary and random question to be asking at 3.10 in the morning, that I got my phone and made a note of it.  Then, I slept until 5.55 when for some reason or other, she kicked my leg.

“Have you been to Hill Bears Hotel?” is such a strange thing to say in your sleep, that in the morning, I showed Caroline what I had on my phone and asked if it meant anything to her.

Almost immediately, she said that it did.  Even though she had no memory of the dream that led to her saying it, what she actually must have said was, “Have you been to Hilbert’s Hotel?”

Hilbert’s Hotel is a thought experiment that shows a property of infinity.  Hilbert imagined a hotel with an infinite number of rooms, all of which are occupied by guests, but even though the hotel is full, rooms may always be found for new arrivals.

If a normal hotel is full, newcomers cannot be accommodated but at Hilbert’s, the guest currently in room 1 moves to room 2, the guest currently in room 2 to room 3, and so on, meaning that room 1 is empty for the recent arrival.  If a coachload arrives, everyone moves 54 rooms to create the necessary vacancies.

As you can imagine, life in our bedroom is never dull.


Thursday, July 6, 2023

189 The Bairstow Incident

 If you’re reading this, you have probably come across it by accident.  These are my thoughts arising from the Bairstow run out at Lord’s on July 2nd, 2023.

To recap, Bairstow ducked under a bouncer, tapped his bat on the ground behind the popping crease and then walked off down the wicket.  Carey, the Australian wicket keeper, underarmed the ball at the stumps immediately after taking the ball and Bairstow was given out: run out. 

That incident caused incandescent rage from both the spectators and the MCC members.

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First of all, the Aussies were not cheating when Bairstow was run out.  It wasn’t gamesmanship either.  Bairstow is a dozy idiot and, in a way, he got what he deserved.  

However, in “the spirit of the game”, the appeal could have been revoked.  There is precedent for that with England’s revocation of the runout appeal against Alvin Kallicharan after the last ball of the day’s play in Guyana in 1998.

Cheating in cricket in by no means unheard of and probably the worst cheat in cricket history was the man whose name is most closely linked to the game – the Englishman, Dr WG Grace.

In the Oval test of 1882, Grace was fielding close to the bat. Sammy Jones, the Australian batsman, blocked the ball and it dribbled to Grace.  Grace picked it up and apparently threw it back to the bowler. The batsman straightened up and started 'farming' the pitch. As Jones walked out of his crease, Grace took the ball from where he had hidden it and threw down the stumps.  Jones run out 0.

While Grace was playing, English coins had Queen Victoria on one side and Britannia on the other. The coin would be tossed and if Grace was particularly keen to win the toss, he'd call "The lady".

Charles Kortright played for Essex and once, when he bowled Grace knocking two stumps out of the ground, he said,  "Are you leaving so soon Doctor?  There's still one stump standing." 

Grace was such a cheat that a number of Laws were rewritten to close loopholes which he exploited - such as the one which means you have to appeal at the time, not the next morning after you've had a word with the umpire about whether the last ball of the day should have been given out.

If that weren’t bad enough, he was accused by the Sydney Mail of betting on the matches he played in.

All that was more than 100 years ago.  Modern cheating (I’m ignoring bodyline as that was gamesmanship and ungentlemanly conduct rather than cheating) began in 1946 with the Australians and Don Bradman.

In the first test at Brisbane, Bradman was caught by Ikin at second slip from a ball bowled by Voce for 28.   No one appealed as it was so obviously out, and it was assumed that Bradman would walk off.  But Bradman just stood there.

The fieldsmen stared incredulously as Bradman stood his ground and then Ikin appealed for a catch. The (Australian) umpire said, “Not out.

Bradman said afterwards that he had jammed the ball on to the ground and so it was a bump ball. Bradman was in a minority of two in his opinion and luckily for him, that minority included the umpire".  

Bradman eventually scored 187.  Keith Miller, the Australian all-rounder who was playing in the game, wrote, “That decision was subsequently admitted in nearly every quarter to have been erroneous.”  

Bradman was 38 years old and suffering from fibrositis.  He had been advised not to play by his doctor and a cheap dismissal would almost certainly have made him retire at the end of that game.

A similar incident occurred in the Second Test, though it might not have been seen as much of a problem if it had not followed so closely on the events of the first. 

Bradman was on 22 when he appeared to snick another catch to Ikin, this time fielding at short leg.  This time though, there may have been some cause for doubt.  It was an appeal that could have gone either way.  It went Bradman’s.

He went on to make 234, so in his first two innings he made 421 runs.  If he’d been given out (by two Australian umpires) when he was actually given not out, he would have made only 50.

In the Fourth Test of that series at Adelaide, Cyril Washbrook was given out to Ray Lindwall to a ball that Don Tallon, the keeper scooped off the ground. Washbrook "stood there transfixed.” Even some of the Australian leg-side fielders expressed amazement. 

Tallon was known for his impetuous appealing and Bradman asked him if he still wanted to appeal. Tallon said he did, and Bradman stood by the decision. It was later suggested that Tallon told Bradman that it was not a clean catch and Clif Cary (Australian cricket reporter) thought that if Bradman had gone into the matter further he would have recalled Washbrook. 

Another Australian reporter Ray Robinson wrote "I believe nearby fieldsmen were impetuous in appealing as the wicket-keeper scooped up the ball, and that the hesitant umpire would have been wiser to have asked his square-leg colleague whether it carried to the gloves or was gathered on the half-volley".  

Hammond tried to locate a press photograph of the ball touching the ground, but no photo was found.  How convenient. 

Jump forward now to 1981 and a one-day game between  Australia and New Zealand. With one ball of the final over remaining in the match, New Zealand needed a six to tie the match. To ensure that New Zealand were unable to achieve this, the Australian captain, Greg Chappell, instructed his bowler (and younger brother) Trevor Chappell to deliver the last ball to the batsman underarm along the ground so that hitting a six was impossible. 

Perfectly legal at the time and not cheating but hardly within the spirit of cricket.

In 2018, Steve Smith, Cameron Bancroft and David Warner were punished for their role in “Sandpapergate”.  They were caught red-handed cheating in the series against South Africa by roughing up the ball with sandpaper.  

The Australian cricket board sought to “draw a line” under the affair by conducting an “independent” inquiry, but as everyone knows, it was a sham.

James Erskine, David Warner’s manager, claimed that there were "far more" than three people involved in the Sandpaper saga.”  

One of those people is Pat Cummins, the current Australian captain, who was a bowler on the day and must have known what was happening.  He was aware of the cheating, said nothing and was later rewarded with the captaincy.

Erskine also said that some unnamed officials had given the go-ahead to players to tamper with the ball when Australia played South Africa in Hobart two years earlier in 2016.

Erskine has said that Warner could blow the lid on the whole affair. “When the truth comes out, everyone’s going to turn around and say, ‘well, why was David Warner picked upon?’ The truth will come out, let me tell you.”

As I wrote at the start, Bairstow was out at Lord’s, and Australia didn’t cheat.  However, they could see that Bairstow was not seeking to gain an advantage and  that he had touched in and may possibly have believed that the umpires were moving at the end of the over.

The Australia coach Andrew McDonald has admitted the whole thing was pre-meditated.  They must have known what a furore it would cause but they didn’t care and did it anyway.

Finally, the views of a former Australian player and an English woman:

Justin Langer: “Cricket is not just about being good cricketers, but good people who play the right way”. 

Victoria Coren Mitchell:  “I think the intensity of this kind of controversy is tremendously helpful when it comes to maintaining the illusion that things like cricket matter at all.”

 

 

Wednesday, January 11, 2023

188 A Wet Wednesday

Woburn Sands High Street was surprisingly busy for a wet, chilly Wednesday afternoon but I managed to find a parking space only about 50 yards from Pikesleys.  

I walked through the driving rain and entered the shop.  

“Two sacks of kindling wood please?”  

“That’s thirteen pounds twenty.”  

A year ago, they were £3.50 a bag.  The shopkeeper blames Putin.  

As I walked to the door, a bag in each hand, a tiny, frail old lady, bent over her walking stick, looked up and asked me if I would like her to open the door.  

“That would be great,” I said, “and perhaps you could open the boot of my car as well,” I added, with what I hoped was a cheery, cheeky grin.  

“Thanks very much,” I said, as I ventured past her, out into what seemed like a wall of rainwater.  

I slowly struggled once more through a howling gale.  A howling gale that seemed to have changed direction through 180 degrees so that I was again struggling to make any progress on the wet, slippery pavement.  

I reached the car, put down one sack and searched for the key in my jacket pocket.  

“Is it locked?” asked a voice from my side.  

I was aghast.  

“I was joking about you opening the boot.  Didn’t you realise?”