I like retail websites that easily allow you to return goods you’ve ordered and refund the cost of those purchases. This happened to me when I returned a pair of shoes to Skechers.
They were advertised as “slip-ins” and certainly would have been for virtually everyone but me. I couldn’t just slip into them because of the three screws I have in my left ankle that prevent me from flexing my ankle like other people.
Within two days of their return, the full purchase price was back in my bank account.
A week ago, Caroline was grateful for the returns policy of a company that sells olive oil online for absurdly high prices. The company justify the ridiculous price on the grounds that it is organic, small batch, ethically sourced and direct from the farmers. It is a niche “luxury” olive oil and is “obtainable from Harrods”.
The olives that produce the oil come from Koroneiki olive trees and we all know how wonderful the Koroneiki tree is. With global warming upon us, perhaps it would be a wise investment to get hold of a few Koroneiki olive trees and plant them in the garden.
The 500ml bottle cost £70 and Caroline bought it as a birthday present for her sister. Although that is a ludicrous price, the most expensive oil they advertise is £499 for a 250ml bottle - £1,996 a litre. That’s even more expensive than diesel! They do offer free delivery though.
Research I’ve done into this oil, reveals that the retail markup is enormous compared with what the farmers/producers were actually paid for the oil, A large part of the price is for packaging and luxury appeal - and for mugs like my wife.
The oil is so luxurious that consumers, or fools as I call them, are advised not to use it in any form of cooking. It should be served untainted as, for example, a dressing on salad or as a dip for fresh, crusty bread and also, on dark chocolate mousse.
When the oil arrived, there was an obvious problem and Caroline wrote to Customer Services:
I recently purchased a bottle of olive oil from your website. When it arrived, although the outside packaging was completely intact, the inside box containing the bottle was damaged. This was very disappointing as I bought it as a gift.
It appears that you have selected a damaged product to send when fulfilling my order.
The company replied:
Hi Caroline,
Thanks so much for reaching out about your recent order. I'm really sorry. Receiving a damaged order is always frustrating but especially when it's meant as a gift for someone special. That's really not the experience we want for our customers. I have arranged a replacement to be sent out to you right away.
We're sorry again for the stress this has caused, and we really appreciate your patience with this. Please don't hesitate to reach out if there's anything else I can do.
Best wishes,
Scout
What is all this “reaching out” nonsense? Why has the word “contact” fallen into disuse?
“We are going to get a free bottle of luxury olive oil,” Caroline told me, excitedly. “We’ll have salad every day for a month.”
This morning, the doorbell rang. It was the postman and he was holding a large, flat cardboard package about 60cm x 60cm. It was about a centimetre thick and much too big to pass through our letterbox.
I opened it, wondering what on earth it could be as I had never received a package that looked anything like that before.
It was, as promised, the replacement from the olive oil company.
No oil. Just new, flawless, pristine packaging.
Oh well, it’s ham, egg and chips this evening. The salad will have to wait and perhaps I’ll try dripping tomato sauce on the chocolate mousse I’ve made.
