99. Why did I bother?

Last time, when I posted I Know it Teases on February 5th, I told you that I was to have a personal hearing about my appeal against a £70 traffic fine imposed upon me because I stopped for a short time in a bus stop in Luton.  I told you then that I only stopped because I was suffering from a sneezing fit and that I never turned off the engine, never left the car and that I occupied the space in the bus stop for a maximum of two minutes. 

The hearing today was held at my request because Luton Council had rejected my written appeal.

It didn’t start too well.  I was to be at the Napier Room of the Chiltern Hotel in Luton at 11.45 and after a 35-minute drive I arrived half an hour early.  I was told at reception that the Napier Room was one of several rooms off a concourse on the ground floor.   As I went through the double doors into the concourse I was faced by a young lady sitting at a desk.

“Have you come for the hearing?” she asked.  I said that I had.

“Name?” 

I told her.

“You’re not on the list,” she said, looking up after consulting a clipboard for a time.

“So what do I do?”

“You’ll have to make another appointment,” she said.

“Look, I didn’t make this appointment in the first place,” I said, somewhat tetchily.  “You gave me the date and time back in November.  I’ve given up a morning and driven 25 miles to be here.  Can’t you fit me in?”

“Sorry, no.  Make another appointment.”

“How can I make another appointment when I haven’t got a first one?”

She shrugged.

“This is ridiculous,” I said angrily, wondering whether or not to make a scene in front of the four or five people waiting, seated on chairs nearby.  Yes, I decided that I would.

“I’m not surprised that anything organised by Luton Council should end up like this.  It’s a farce!”

“Can I help you sir,” said a young man in a suit.

“No, not unless you’re something to do with the hearing,” I snapped.  “Otherwise mind your own business.”

“Yes I am something to do with it.  In fact I’m in charge,” he said frostily. 

Oh dear.  Not the best way to meet the person about to listen to my case.

I had a thought.  Caroline’s name was on the car’s registration document. 

“Perhaps you have my wife’s name,” I said.  “It’s Caroline Dawes.”

The young man in a suit looked at me with a look of concern and possibly, pity.

“Why would you come to take your wife’s hearing test?” he asked gently.  “That wouldn’t make much sense, now would it sir?”

“This isn’t the Napier room then?  Traffic hearings?”

“No sir.  That’s over there.  This is where we are doing the Old People’s Homes’ hearing tests.”

“Oh.”

“Perhaps you should come and take the test after your hearing.”

Very funny!  So I went ‘over there’ and sat down under a sign that I hadn’t seen before saying,            

TRAFFIC OFFENCE

Personal hearings

Please wait here

Perhaps the old people waiting for hearing tests hadn’t heard me make an idiot of myself.

The adjudicator was a solicitor who explained at great length that he was neutral and disinterested.  It was so nice to hear someone use the word “disinterested” in the proper way that I was quite encouraged.

He introduced me to two young women who were representing Luton Council.  I can’t remember both names but one was called ‘Margaret Thatcher’.  She was only about 27.  How could her parents have called her Margaret?  That’s almost like the Sutcliffes calling their son “Peter”.

I was asked to put my case and give the new evidence.  I said that there was no new evidence.  I was guilty as charged but there were, in my opinion, mitigating circumstances that should be fully considered.  I repeated all that I had put in my letter about how dangerous it was to drive while sneezing and quoted the two court cases that I described in “I Know it Teases”.

Ms Thatcher was asked to respond.  All she could say was that I had not produced a medical report and that I should have been aware that I might sneeze.

“And do what?” I asked her.  “Surely I only had two options.  Either I could carry on driving or stop.  I chose the safer of those two.  I haven’t got a medical report because there is no cure for photoptarmosis and so what would be the point of going to a doctor?”

The adjudicator interrupted.  “I’ve come to a decision,” he said.  “I find in your favour.”

“Thank you,” I said, trying hard (but failing) not to give a smug grin in Ms Thatcher's direction. 

“Will I get expenses?”  I asked.  “I’ve given up a whole morning, made a fifty mile round trip and used about seven pounds worth of petrol and all that just to just repeat out loud what I put in my original letter of appeal.”

“No,” said the adjudicator.

“So instead of it costing me the sixty pounds if I hadn’t appealed, it has cost me seven pounds for the petrol plus whatever I value to be the worth of three hours of my day.”

“Yes,” said the adjudicator. 

“Also,” I said, “There’s the hour I spent researching past case law to do with sneezing.  That’s all got to come to more than a hundred pounds.  Are you saying I can’t claim for any of that?”

“Yes,” said the adjudicator. 

“Can I appeal?”

“Yes,” said the adjudicator.

“But as it will be I who adjudicates,” he said, and I swear he was grinning at Ms Thatcher, “Don’t waste any more of your time.”

I won’t.

I don't know why I bothered.

You will find my last regular posting on March 27th 2011 here: At the End of The day