98. I Know it Teases

Click to see the outcome

My last posting on October 13^th was intended to be in fact, my “Last Post”.  It was the one hundredth and I thought that was a good time to stop.  But something will happen on March 19^th that I think you should know about and the outcome of the event may possibly interest you.

On October 23^rd last year, Caroline and I arranged to meet for lunch at one o’clock at a restaurant in Luton where she works.  I had never been to Luton before.  It was a sunny day and at 12:47, just after I had reached the town centre, I sneezed.  

Ten seconds later I sneezed again and as a result of a lifetime’s experience of photoptarmosis (reflex sneezing caused by the influence of light), I knew that there would be more to follow.  My record total is nineteen but usually my sneezing fits are between seven and ten sneezes.

Speak roughly to your little boy,

And beat him when he sneezes:

He only does it to annoy,

Because he knows it teases.

Lewis Carroll

Just after the second sneeze I saw a lay by and pulled into it.  I sneezed twice more, blew my nose, waited a minute to make sure that this fit was over, and then drove off.  I was in the lay by for two minutes at most.  I didn’t turn off the engine nor leave the car.

A week later I received a letter from Luton Council informing me that I had been photographed, parked at a bus stop and that as a consequence I was to be fined £70.  

I immediately sent a letter of appeal explaining the circumstances and telling the wise people of Luton Council that in my opinion (and that of Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents who on their web site say that, “sneezing, can affect a driver’s ability to drive safely and these can impair a driver’s mood, concentration, reactions and judgement”), it was very dangerous to drive while suffering a sneezing fit and all informed advice is to get off the road as soon as possible.  

The wise people of Luton Council rejected my appeal.

I was extremely surprised by that decision but the letter of rejection informed me that I could put my case at a personal hearing.  I have asked for one and my case will be heard next month.

This is what I intend to say at my hearing: 

As well as quoting RoSPA, I shall tell the adjudicator that in the mid-seventies, there was a public service film that showed a woman in a long line of traffic who sneezed.  She then crashed her car into the rear of the car in front of her. The announcer intoned in a deep, sonorous and ominous voice about how little time it took to have an accident.

In March 2011, Mari Emlyn was cleared of careless driving by Dolgellau magistrates’ court after she suffered a sneezing fit at the wheel and hit another car.  She told the court: "I had a bout of sneezing as I was driving.  There was nothing I could do to avoid the collision."  Ms Emlyn’s solicitor called it a ‘clear defence of automatism’ – which means the defendant was not in control of her actions.  While sneezing many people shake and everyone finds it impossible to keep their eyes open.

In October 2012 a jury at a trial at Teesside Crown Court found a lorry driver guilty of the charge of causing the death of Gordon Blair by careless driving, after his 44-tonne truck ploughed into the back of a broken-down car driven by Mr Blair.   Judge Bowers told Lewis: “I think your only fault was to fail to stop once you started the sneezing fit."

My argument will be that I was forced to take the action I did because the consequences of continuing to drive while sneezing could have been disastrous.  That should get me off shouldn’t it?  If it doesn’t I may be asking for a whip round.  

I’ll let you know.  Click to see the outcome