57. Signs of the times

London’s roads are full of traffic lights.  It is virtually impossible to drive more than 400 yards without passing through or stopping at a set of lights.  In Cayman there are only three sets of lights in the entire country.   

Last Saturday morning, at the junction of Friern Barnet Road (A1003) and Station Road (A 109), New Southgate, the lights were not working.  These are two busy major roads and there is always a long delay getting through the junction. 

The most annoying reason for a hold up at traffic lights is the driver who is a “Late Indicator”.  This is a person who drives into the right-hand lane when it may be used by traffic going straight ahead or turning right, without using an indicator or turn signal.  

Following him, I assume that as there is no indicator showing, he will be going straight on.  Then, just after the light goes green, he turns on the indicator to show that he will be turning right after all.  I sit there fuming as all the traffic on my left, in the inside lane, flows past me.  I’d shoot the stupid bastard!

On Saturday morning, even although the traffic was heavy, there was no delay at this junction.  And the reason?  The traffic lights were not working.  They were out of service.  They were bust!

Hooray!  And yet there was no chaos; pandemonium did not ensue because drivers approached the junction, slowed down, looked all around, waited for a gap, and then went through.  Priority was instinctively given to any vehicle already making the manoeuvre.  It was beautiful and a joy both to watch and to be part of.  When we returned four hours later, the lights were still out and the traffic was still flowing freely.

In almost all cases, traffic lights cause more problems than they solve.  On Saturday, as I drove into central London, I kept an eye out at all controlled junctions and at all of them (except perhaps for the junction of Baker Street and Marylebone Road) I am sure that traffic flow would be more efficient without them.

The reason is obvious.  Next time you are in a position to do so, try and work out how much time passes while traffic on all approaches is stationary.  At the junction of Friern Barnet Road and Station Road in north London, it is nine seconds in every full sequence.  That is around two hours a day when nothing is moving (except pedestrians of course but they don’t count).

As a first step toward improving things, I would propose that we adopt the system they use in the States.  There, where of course they drive on the right, at most junctions you are allowed to turn right when the light is red as long as it is safe to do so.  If a comparable idea were in operation here, there would be a much freer movement of traffic at traffic lights as we would be able to filter left on red.  It could be introduced immediately and at no cost. 

That isn’t going to happen but I would love to see the results of an experiment of shutting down all the lights outside the congestion zone in London and seeing what happens.  Traffic Lights are the reason that traffic in London today flows no faster than that of Victorian times.  The Victorians didn’t really have traffic lights and those that they did have were hand operated which meant that the operator could use his judgement on which colour to show and for how long.

This clip shows you why all traffic lights are unnecessary.  Let’s just get rid of them all:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n_mgFA47WQ 

While I’m on the subject of street furniture (love that term), what do you make of this sign?

Falling or fallen rocks

The last time I saw this sign was when I was driving in The Lake District.  I was on a narrow winding road with a precipitous drop of 150 feet, five feet to my left.  

What are you expected to do when seeing this warning?  Take your eyes off the road and look upwards for rocks falling down on to you and so run the high risk of plunging off the road as it makes a sharp turn?  

Or maybe you should just forget about the possibility of death by crushing, and look at the road ahead so as to avoid the rocks that may have already fallen?  

But looking at the road ahead is what I do anyway when I have a gaping void within spitting distance of me.  What a stupid pointless sign.

Mention of pointless road signs brings me to this one:

CAUTION  Low flying aircraft

What are you expected to do when given this warning?  Take your eyes off the road ahead and look up for low flying aircraft?  And if you do see one, what are you expected to do then?  Stop the car, get out and wave perhaps?  What a stupid pointless sign.

Here’s a good one:  Knowing that all terrorists are misguided but basically law-abiding citizens, you may expect to see this sign in busy city centres soon:

No vehicles carrying explosives or flammable materials 

This sign irritates me because the action that it depicts is impossible.  There is no way, no matter how slippery the road is, that these tyre tracks could ever be produced.

Slippery road

There is one road sign that will always be my favourite.  Just as some people have “Our tune” and every time they hear it they look at each other and say’ “Aaah,” Caroline and I have “Our sign” and this is it

HAZCHEM

Just after we arrived in Cayman, we were driving along South Sound Road and we were passing the oil storage depot.  “Look at that,” said Caroline, pointing at the sign.  “Why do they have signs here that are in German?”  She was 37 at the time with Grade As at ‘O’ level in Latin and French and degrees from Birmingham and Cambridge Universities.

This next sign was said to have existed 30 years ago on a track across the Pennine moorland.  I am not sure that it ever really was there, but I’d like to think that it was:

IT IS AN OFFENCE TO THROW STONES AT THIS NOTICE

And this one is truly wonderful:

CAUTION this sign has sharp edges