When someone speaks, their accent may cause problems.
I was teaching about different types of farming to a first-year class in a north London comprehensive school when I was asked how to spell “heifer”. I slowly spelt out H E I F E R. When looking at their written accounts, a few of them had written: H E A F E R.
“Some of you spelt it wrong,” I told them. “It starts H E I.”
“That’s what I put, like you said,” one of them told me, indignantly, while the others nodded in agreement.
The problem was that to some of them, my pronunciation of the letter “i” sounded just like the way that they said the letter “a”.
When we lived in Cayman, I often had problems understanding the Caymanian accent. In 2010, I wrote here about when we had trouble with our television aerial. I phoned and I was told that Mr Antennae would come to fix it.
“Mr Antennae? That’s funny,” I said. “Does he see more than one then?”
“More than one what?” the woman asked.
“Well, antennae or aerials,” I said, beginning to realise that it probably wasn’t as funny as I had first thought.
“Yes,” she said. “That’s his job. That’s what engineers do.”
“Yes, I know they do but isn’t it funny that his name is Mr Antennae?”
“Why?”
“Well, I think it’s called nominative determinism. People do a job that fits their name like someone called Paul Flight who’s a pilot or a Tom Lamb who’s a shepherd.”
“So, what’s that got to do with Mr Antennae,” she asked, sounding irritable.
I was desperate for her to understand why it was funny and so I said, “Spell antennae please.”
“A N T H O N Y”
“OK. Thanks.”
Speaking with a standard English accent doesn’t always mean you will be understood either. I’ve also told you before (2016) about a problem that Caroline had in Miami when she tried to buy a bottle of water. It was lunchtime and the place was crowded.
“Could I have a bottle of water please?” Caroline asked.
“Huh?” said the assistant. “Say wah?”
“A bottle of water please.”
“Wha’sat, honey?”
“A bottle of water.”
“Honey, we’re kinda busy. What d’yer want?”
Caroline, remembering that around 70% of Miami is of Hispanic origin, asked for “agua”.
“Agua! Okay! A boddle-er-wodder. Why didn’t you say?”
I was once with a group of people, one of whom was a woman from Yorkshire. She seemed to spend the evening dropping the names of the well-known people she met while working.
“Have you ever met them?” someone asked her when a well-known television couple was mentioned.
“Yes, I’ve been on there but,” she told us.
That made no sense at all to me and so I asked, “There but for what?”
She gave me a disdainful look.
Her partner, who must have been accustomed to translating from Yorkshire into English for her, murmured, “She’s been on their boat.”
There’s an afternoon television game show called Lingo in which people are given the first letter of a word and then have to find that word in 5 attempts. It is similar to the game “Wordle” that you might play on your phone or iPad.
Competitors will say the word and then, to eliminate any ambiguity or confusion, give its spelling.
I am possibly a little strange but I’m always looking for swear words that will fit. I became aware of this quirk by an incident in the programme some weeks ago. The player was told that she was searching for a 4-letter word starting with “S”.
She said, “S T A Y” and found that the word she was looking for did have a “T”, but it was not the third letter. "S O O T" was her next try and that was wrong as well but the “T” was now in the right place.
“S H I T”, I thought to myself. “Go on, say shit. Please say shit.” Of course, she didn’t.
“S H U T” was her next attempt and that was right.
Today, my Lingo wish seemed to come true. The television was on, but I wasn’t really concentrating as I was trying to do a crossword at the same time. A young woman from Ballymena in Northern Ireland had to find a five-letter word that began with the letter “S”.
Suddenly, I was giving my full attention as I heard her clearly, loudly and confidently say, “shite”.
Before the host could interrupt and tell her to watch her language, she spelt it aloud and with a strong Irish accent, she said:
S H O U T
