For the past nine months, I’ve done nothing but sit around the house all day reading, doing crosswords, playing online poker (for chips, not for real money) and looking anxiously for indications that either my body, my mind or both, are showing signs of deterioration due to age and inactivity.
Sadly, I have to report that both my mind and body do seem to be showing signs of wear.
My eyesight is getting worse. In normal circumstances, I would have had an eye test some months ago and by now, would be using more powerful lenses in my glasses.
I was doing a concise crossword when I became stuck on this clue:
5ac Greek table water (5)
If it had been French water, I would have written ‘EVIAN’ or possibly, ‘HEPAR’ but it was neither of those as I knew from 5 down that the word began with the letter ‘A’. Eventually, I gave up with one corner of the puzzle still incomplete.
That evening, when Caroline and I were sitting in the living room, I asked her what she was doing.
“The easy crossword,” she answered.
“It’s not that easy today.”
“Yes, it is. I’ve finished it.”
“What did you get for five across?” I asked.
“Aesop.”
“That’s not a brand of bottled water, is it? Or, at least I’ve never heard of it, if it is.”
“No, it isn’t. Why would it be?”
“Read the clue.”
“Greek fable writer.”
“Okay, thanks.”
That was embarrassing.
Yesterday, I was struggling for a long time trying to think of a synonym for ‘Runaway’ beginning with ‘A’. It helped when Caroline pointed out that the clue was actually ‘Runway’ and the answer was probably ‘Airstrip.’
Later today, I’ll be leaving the house for the first time in exactly four weeks.
The last time I went out was four weeks ago, when I drove to the GP’s surgery to collect my prescription and I’m going out today for the same reason. Unless I’m called to have my Covid inoculation before then, the next time I shall go anywhere will be to collect my tablets again on February 15th.
No wonder I’m saving money. I’ve no way of spending any, other than by online shopping and as you may have read last year (Click to See), I am not very good at that.
I had another frustrating experience just before Christmas - and it wasn’t my fault!
On December 21st, I was watching the lunchtime news when my phone beeped to inform me that I had received an email. It was from Hermes, the courier company, telling me that a minute earlier, they had delivered a parcel but as no one answered the door, they had left it on the doorstep.
I opened the front door but there was nothing there. Caroline was working at her desk overlooking the front flower bed next to the door and I asked her if she had moved the parcel. She hadn’t and was certain that no car, van or truck had come anywhere near the house in the four hours that she had been working there. She was certain that no one had been to the door.
A photograph accompanied Hermes’ email as proof of delivery.
Proof? It isn’t proof of anything at all and that tiny area of blue proves that it is certainly not my doorstep. There’s nothing blue on our doorstep. In fact, I don’t think it’s anyone’s doorstep. It looks to me as if it is a photograph of a parcel on the floor of a van.
There is absolutely no way to contact Hermes. I rang the number given online. Of course, a robot answered the phone. Once I gave it the 16-digit delivery number, it informed me that the delivery had been made and promptly hung up on me.
I went to the Woburn Sands Co-op, which is the nearest Hermes Parcel Centre and there, the manager told me that he too has no way of speaking to anyone at Hermes either. All communication happens either when someone calls him or else by email.
I sent an email to Hermes and then, acting on the advice of The Citizens Advice Bureau, on December 23rd I sent them a letter outlining the issues. Three weeks later, I have had no reply to either the email or to the letter.
Since Christmas, every time there has been a courier delivery to us or to any of our near neighbours, I’ve rushed out to see if the driver is from Hermes. I have questions to ask.
This morning, I rushed out and managed to catch one just before as he drove off.
“Are you Hermes?” I gasped.
“No, I’m Jimmy.”
I assume the missing package contains a Christmas present for me. I know who it isn’t from but I have no idea who sent it or what was in it.
Was it from you?
